Mothering

I know, interesting blog title from someone who doesn't have children of their own. (And no, this is not a pregnancy anouncement either.) I had an interesting experience tonight that I would like to share.

About 45 minutes ago, Caleb and I were getting ready to go to sleep, when we hear our cats sounding like they are starting to play a little too rough. I asked Caleb to go and bring one of them into the bedroom, because that usually helps calm down the situation, and then they both come lay on the bed, and we all go to sleep.

Well, Caleb brings Jethro in, and as I am petting him, I feel a wet spot by his face. I asked Caleb why his head was wet, thinking he may have just layed in his water bowl again. He turned on the light so we could see what was going on, and my hand I had been petting his face with was covered in blood. All of the sudden, my mothering instincts kicked in. I calmly asked Caleb to grab a wet washrag, so that I could wipe off the blood and see what was going on, and where the blood had originated from. I stayed calm through the whole process, continuing to reassure my little Jethro, that he was fine, and that everything will be fine. Once we got rid of the blood, I noticed a tiny scratch on his ear, figuring that it was why they were a little rowdy before all of this. I then calmly clipped the front paws on both cats, and I haven't heard a peep out of them since.

Anyway. The fact that my mothering instincts kicked in, was a really cool experience. For those who don't know, Caleb and I have been talking more about adding a little one to our family, but I was always scared that the mothering instinct wouldn't kick in for me. Knowing that it has with my cats, as funny as it may seem to some of you, is really reassuring to me. My cats are my kids right now, and I would be devastated if they were ever really harmed. To me, it would be like loosing a child, because I love and care for them so much. (Again, you may not understand, but our pets in our house growing up were family, and I was devastated when we lost them both. It was like loosing a sibling to me, because they were such a part of our lives. Talk to my mom if you have a hard time believing that.)

Back to the point. I know now, that I am ready to take that step in my life. It wasn't just this experience, but there was another a few weeks ago that got the wheels in my head turning. Rendi, Alan, and Karsten all came down for a visit at the beginning of the month. Karsten hadn't been feeling well, and he had been grumpy and fussy for what he normally is. I had just gotten off work, and decided to go over to my mom's and visit with them, to make sure that I got to see them while they were here on this trip. Rendi was feeding Karsten a bottle when I got there, and as soon as he realized I was there, he whipped his head away from his bottle, and turned on the charm, all directed at me. I played with him, and Rendi was surprised how happy he was being with me. What Rendi didn't know, is that I was praying about whether or not I could handle being a mother. That little tender mercy through Karsten let me know that I can handle being a mother, and I have the potential to be a great mother. I'm not perfect, but I know that when it comes to my future kids, no kids will be more loved by their mother than mine. I now ache for those children to come and be a part of my life, which is a really weird feeling. It's not a bad feeling, just a weird one.

Well, I need to get some sleep. I will end here for now.